The Abortion Diaries
OUR STORIES, OUR STRENGTH
Real abortion stories. Shared with honesty, grief, healing and hope.
EST. 2026
"These stories are shared exactly as they were given—no words have been changed. I’ve made only small edits for clarity, so every story stays true to its original meaning and spirit."
Within The Abortion Diaries, you’ll find a tapestry of abortion experiences, each one a unique thread woven into a larger story of resilience and courage. This space is devoted to honouring those journeys, nurturing empathy, and creating a community where every voice is met with care, respect, and understanding without judgment.
I had my abortion at 21 in 2024. I was in a mentally abusive relationship, and my partner at the time was also heavily struggling with addiction. That situation alone made me feel so isolated, and learning I was pregnant with his baby was terrifying. I love children, and I have always known that I do want to have my own family — however, not this young, not until I feel like I am mentally, physically, and financially stable enough to take care of another human being. My decision was very clear the second I found out, and if I had to go back in time, I would do it again. I was just 21, with so much to learn still, yet I was already investing so much of my energy into someone who spent so much time hurting not only me, but themselves too. That was no situation to bring another living being into.
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And as much as I was at peace with my decision, the outside wasn’t. I ended up in the hospital due to some complications and was treated with so much hostility and disgust, without my partner there, as he was too deep in his addiction to show up. It was the loneliest time of my life. I opened up to my friends, and they were incredibly supportive of my decision, but to this day, I feel like none of them really understand what it feels like. As much as I wouldn’t change my decision, it brought a different sense of loneliness into my life that still creeps in from time to time, but I am also utterly grateful to have been able to make that decision and learn to prioritize myself.
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I also want to say that I know how difficult of a thing it is to go through, especially if the other person ends up not being a part of your life after. I thought that, in a way, our souls were forever connected, that we’d always be tied to each other, that I’d seem unlovable to other people once they found out. And I believed that so deeply, I convinced myself I was never going to be able to find a loving relationship, but oh, was I wrong — and I’m so glad that I was. I am now in such an amazing and loving relationship with the kindest man I’ve ever met, who loves me even more for the things I had to go through.
Making a choice like this doesn’t make you unlovable. I personally believe it shows an immense amount of strength because acknowledging you are not in a position to take care of another human being to the extent they deserve, or that you are not ready yourself yet, and acting on that acknowledgement is not easy.
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anonymous
One
“It was the loneliest time of my life.”
age 21
I had an abortion in December 2025. I don’t regret that I did it, but at the same time, I do. I was with a guy who only knew how to manipulate and control me, and I tend to believe he got me pregnant on purpose. We had only been together for a few months. He was extremely happy that I was pregnant, while I was crying and didn’t know what to do anymore.
Even though I’m 27, I wasn’t ready to have a child, but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t a small maternal instinct inside me — I felt like it was a girl. I had to go through this alone, even though he was physically there, judging me every moment for choosing the abortion. On the day of the abortion, the only thing he told me was that I would regret making the biggest mistake of my life.
Moments of comfort were very rare, and it didn’t matter anyway — he didn’t understand that it was my body and my decision. From his perspective, he was suffering more than I was. After the abortion, he called me a monster, a murderer, saying I had killed a child, even though I was only 7 weeks pregnant — too early for it to already be considered a child.
I don’t regret having the abortion, because if I had kept the baby, the child would have suffered. By choosing the abortion, I chose for myself to suffer instead. It’s hard — when I see little girls, something inside me trembles, and I feel sorry for her; she deserved a life. But I know she deserved a life next to a father who would have brought peace to her mother, not anxiety, trauma, and fear.
I ended up having two abortions: one D&C and one medication abortion. The first was when I wasn’t in a healthy relationship and was on the verge of leaving my partner at the time. I ended the pregnancy at 9 weeks. The second was almost a year ago to the day, in a loving relationship with my partner. However, we had just gotten together and still had so much life to figure out.
I miss my babies every single day. I want to be a mama so bad.
anonymous
Two
“By choosing the abortion, I chose for myself to suffer instead.”
age 27
Three
“I carried a baby I knew I couldn’t keep.”
age undisclosed
I recently had an abortion a day before my daughter’s birthday. My partner and I didn’t plan to have a baby just yet, and I knew that, but when I started having symptoms and tested positive, I was excited but also heartbroken because I knew it wasn’t our time to have this baby.
I begged and came up with all these reasons why we should keep the baby, without fully thinking about the reality of it. I was absolutely devastated, and I cried so much. I had massive anxiety, and knowing I was carrying a baby I knew I couldn’t keep broke me — and it still has broken me.
I have not been coping well with this. I quit my job and have been trying to find myself and pick myself back up again. Some days I’m fine and I can cope, and some days I can’t. I feel like when I lost my baby, I lost myself too.
I don’t see this as an abortion; I see it as a miscarriage, and I grieve my baby every day.
anonymous
My experience with abortion was a decently positive one. I was freshly 23, with a guy I really liked, and I still see myself building a life with him. But he was unemployed, caring for his sibling with cancer, and I have four siblings in an abusive household and was trying to build a life for them to fall back on when they need it. I barely made enough to keep myself afloat.
I had told myself I would abort if it happened before I got pregnant, but once I was pregnant, I couldn't help but think about “figuring it out” and keeping it, and my boyfriend felt the same. But ultimately, we both want our kids to have a stable household, and our lives at the time were just too hectic and unstable to give them that, on top of the monetary issues. That was ultimately what made me decide I couldn't keep it, even if I did want to.
I was early along, but I still kept the picture of it, and I hope when the time is right, our baby will come back and we can give it the life it deserves.
Simultaneously, I worry about the current state of the world and am nervous about bringing a child into it because it's so hard to navigate and build a life right now, and I want a better life for them. So even though I hope to build a family with him, it makes me sad to think that doing so could set them up for failure, with nothing I can change to make their life fulfilling.
anonymous
Four
“I couldn't keep it even if I did want to”
age 23
Five
I’m 24 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and we are so happy together, but we weren’t and still aren’t really trying at the moment.
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December 18th, 2025, I found out I was pregnant. I was two weeks late for my period, but just thought the stress of the holidays was taking a toll on my cycle. That week, I had also been feeling really sick stomach-wise, but I work with kids, so I just thought the sickness was catching up with me. But boy, was I wrong.
I took a test that night because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t pregnant. That test read positive so fast though, and I remember it like it was yesterday. My boyfriend was super supportive of whatever way I wanted to do things. My boyfriend and I are nowhere near financially ready though, and my diet and weight are not in a healthy place. For reference, I’m 5’0 and not even 100 lbs.
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I thought through my options and spent hours doing research. With the information I found, I knew the right decision was abortion. With my weight being so low, I was at high risk for not only complications for myself but also for the baby. We weren’t even sure I’d carry full term, and I’d be lucky if I didn’t miscarry. It was too risky.
That following week was Christmas and, by far, the worst. Monday, December 22nd, I woke up to go to work and my blood pressure dropped as soon as I stood up. I felt nauseous, and my legs started going numb and tingly. So I went to the bathroom, where my boyfriend followed to comfort me, and that’s when it happened. It felt like my body was shutting down. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t move, and I started falling forward. If my boyfriend hadn’t been there, I would’ve smashed my head on the toilet.
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After 5 minutes, I started coming to, and my boyfriend was really scared. Long story short, I didn’t go to work that day. My boyfriend thought I was having a seizure, and that’s when I knew my decision was for the best.
January 8th, 2026, I went into the clinic and had my abortion. I don’t remember much because I was sedated, but the mental pain that followed after was nothing like I’ve ever felt before. I’m still getting through it.
anonymous
“That’s when I knew my decision was for the best.”
age 24
Six
A message to any girl that needs it, my untold story. You are not alone.
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I think of it like cutting the last thread he had stabbed into me. It hurt like hell to do, but it needed to be done. I had been broken up with him for a year. He was extremely toxic and still had so much control over my life, not that I realized this, of course.
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The night it happened was the night I finally realised I would never let him hurt me again. I got away, I moved cities, and I started uni. I began to heal and had just started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Then my period was late. I lived in denial for 13 whole days, convincing myself the stress of that night and the move had made my period late. But then the morning sickness came, and I could not ignore it. The test was positive straight away.
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I have never cried like I did in that moment — not over a boy, a fight, or a friendship breakdown. This was the single worst moment of my life. But I knew my decision. I knew what the outcome would be. There was no earthly life for that baby; it was not made with love. I knew I could not heal and hold that baby in my arms at the same time. It would have ruined my life — the life that had only just started for me, the life I had to fight for.
The day before, I took my baby to the beach and sat there. I cried and felt all the things you can feel, and thought about the choices I had made that led me to this. And then I did it. I opted for a medical abortion. I did it alone. I did it with no support.
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I remember the cold tiles in the bathroom against my skin as I curled up on the floor. I did not cry. I don’t think I had any thoughts, honestly. I was just there. The experience was horrifying — I will not lie about that. The pain was sharp and red hot, the type of pain that doesn’t even make you cry; it sends you straight out of your body.
When it was over, I missed my baby, which was something I did not expect as someone who was so sure of her choice. I would see babies and get that awful sinking feeling in my stomach. Sometimes I would go to the bathroom if I was out in public and cry. But this passed as the clarity of time slowly washed away the guilt I felt for everything — absolutely everything — all the decisions and mistakes that had led me to this.
And life for me went on. I picked up the pieces of myself again and put them back together. I did that by myself.
I feel no shame for my choices and refuse to tell anyone who could make me feel any. I do, however, feel great pain for the women who had no option or choice as I did. I hope one day things will change and all women will have access to the healthcare I did.
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And I will leave this letter with one final message.
The only reason a woman needs to get an abortion is that she is pregnant and does not want to be.
anonymous
“I think of it like cutting the last thread he had stabbed into me.”
age undisclosed
Seven
My mess of a story
during my freshman year of college, and for a little while after, I was in the most toxic and unhealthy relationship of my life. I never thought I would end up in something like that. Growing up, I promised myself I would never allow myself to be in an abusive or toxic relationship like my biological parents were in. But life doesn’t always go the way we expect.
I met this guy on Tinder, and at the time it felt harmless. Looking back, it became one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Would I go back and change it if I could? Part of me says yes. But another part of me says no, because if I hadn’t gone through what I did, I wouldn’t have become the person I am today or met my amazing boyfriend, Lee.
A few months into the relationship, things started to change. He slowly convinced me to cut off and resent many of the people I once considered my best friends and family. At the time, I was so convinced that he loved me and was “helping” me that I didn’t see what was really happening. I won’t get into every detail, but that relationship made me hate myself, distance myself from the people who cared about me, struggle badly in college, and experience the worst mental health I’ve ever had.
I was a young girl who was hurting and felt very alone. I made choices during that time that I wish I could take back.
On August 31st, 2024, I was forced by him to have an abortion for a child that I wanted. It’s something that will always stay with me. I wish things had been different, but I can’t change what has already happened. What it did do, though, was open my eyes to just how unhealthy and damaging the relationship had become. One week later, I finally found the strength to break up with him and cut off all contact.
After everything happened, I felt completely alone. I started realizing how many people I had pushed away during that relationship and how much damage had been done to my life and my friendships. I felt overwhelmed by guilt, grief, and shame.
During that time, my mental health hit the lowest point it has ever been. I became suicidal and was placed into an outpatient therapy program. At the time I was angry and didn’t want to admit how unstable I had become. But looking back now, I’m incredibly grateful for it. That program helped me learn healthier ways to cope and begin the process of healing.
Around that same time, while I was balancing therapy and college, someone from college invited me to go to church. I was hesitant, but something in me felt like I should go. During the service, the pastor said something that stopped me in my tracks. He said, “God might be silent for a few months, but it’s because you weren’t listening in the first place. But God has never left your side.”
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When I heard that, it felt like God was speaking directly to me. I started crying right there in the service, and people around me hugged and prayed for me. It was one of the first moments in a long time where I didn’t feel completely alone.
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Since that day, I’ve started to see God working in my life in ways I can’t always explain.
Sometimes it’s through a Bible verse or quote that shows up on my social media exactly when I need it. Sometimes it’s through music — which, if you know me, you know music has always been my therapy.
For almost a year now, I’ve been working on healing, growing, and rebuilding my life. One of the hardest parts of that journey has been learning to forgive — both my ex and myself. But I’ve gotten to a place where I can say that I have.
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Ever since everything happened, I made a promise to myself: when I’m healed, I will speak out. I will stand up not only for myself, but for others who may feel too afraid or alone to do it themselves.
I’m not sharing this for pity. I’m sharing it because this is my story. I’m sharing it to remind people that God is always there, even when it feels like He isn’t. And I want people to know that no matter how alone you might feel, you are never truly alone.
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There are always people who care about you more than you realize.
If you read this far, thank you.
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anonymous
“I was a young girl who was hurting and felt very alone.”
age undisclosed
I was 17, still in high school and in the middle of a breakup when I found out I was pregnant. I knew then and there I couldn't keep it. Between finances at home, already struggling to keep up with school and plans for my future, there was no way I could’ve added a baby into the mix.
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I decided to tell the father so we could discuss options. I knew that even though it was my choice, I wanted him to be able to express his opinions too. Even though we were on rocky terms and technically not together, he stepped up to the plate and was the best support I could've asked for.
We went through all the stages: disbelief, denial, consideration, and then the ultimate heartbreak of booking the appointment. I had my appointment booked exactly one week after I found out I was pregnant. I was somewhere between 7–8 weeks when I went into the clinic.
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He made sure I was set up and comfortable while going through the aftermath. He helped bring me to the bathroom, helped keep me clean, helped shower me — everything. I could barely look at myself. I couldn't “forgive” myself for what I had done, even though I've always advocated for the right to abortion for anyone, for any reason. I couldn't get out of my head about it.
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Abortion was a hard choice, but the right one.
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Fast forward to today, and he's now my fiancé. I wanted nothing more than to keep my baby, but I’d rather suffer in grief than subject a child to a life of struggle. We still cry and stay hung up on what could’ve been, but we are so glad we can now prepare even better for what could be.
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anonymous
Eight
“I’d rather suffer in grief than subject a child to a life of struggle.”
age 17
Nine
I had my abortion about 1 year and 3 months ago, and I still think about it every day. I was forced by my ex-partner to get one. People say to me, “At the end of the day, you had a choice… you’re the one that walked into that room, not him.” But I was so in love with this person that losing him felt worse than going against my beliefs.
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This person drained me and emotionally abused me, yet I still allowed him to have that much control over me, and it’s something I will regret for the rest of my life. It was extremely hard.
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People assume that just because I or other people have had abortions means we don’t care, but honestly, I have always wanted to be a mother. That was my one and only dream.
When I woke up after the procedure, I was crying and screaming for my baby, repeating the word “sorry.” All the doctors had to say was, “I learned my lesson, haven’t I…” The day I lost my baby is the day I lost myself completely.
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Afterwards, I started having many nightmares. The worst one I remember was of a crib in the corner of my room with a baby crying in it that I couldn’t reach. In the dream, I would run constantly towards it, but was never able to reach in and save my baby.
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Most nights, I would just sit in front of the mirror staring at myself, picking apart every little thing about me… pointing and saying, “You were meant to be a mother,” until I ended up in a ball on the floor.
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I really hate the concept of people believing that women who get abortions don’t care about their actions, when truly many did it selflessly or had no choice at all. My decision was stolen from me. It’s the kind of pain that goes beyond words — when something happens to you that you didn’t want, but you can’t undo. Yet I did do it, and I will always hate myself for it.
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People tend to only talk about abortions as a choice, wanted or unwanted, but not the grey space in between.
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anonymous
“My decision was stolen from me.”
age undisclosed
Ten
I was 19, six months into my relationship with my still current boyfriend. I was so supported but still had never felt more alone. I am a student midwife and was on placement, struggling with sickness and nausea, and one day I completely broke down.
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I didn't tell any of my friends until I was 5 weeks and had to attend all appointments on my own. Whilst I do not regret it, not a day goes by where I don't think about what my life could have been. But the beauty of life is choice, and in my choice I can now continue to pursue everything I want out of life. I am still able to bring new life into this world and support women at their most vulnerable, now understanding the silent strength women carry in a whole new way because of my own experience.
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My boyfriend was so supportive, but this experience taught me how strong I am. If I could give any advice, it is that time is a healer and the choice is always yours x.
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anonymous
“I was so supported but still had never felt more alone.”
age 19
Eleven
I was 16, about to turn 17, going into my senior year of high school. My family was so proud I was graduating traditionally and planning for college, and I knew having a baby then wasn’t something I was ready for. My older sister had already dropped out and was pregnant, and I didn’t want that path for myself or my future children. I had very little growing up and always wanted more for them.
My sister helped me get to the doctor. I wasn’t completely sure about my decision then, and honestly I still think about it now. But I knew I didn’t want to raise a child in the situation I was in. I took the pills even though I had never swallowed a pill in my life before that day. The pain was intense. I remember rushing to the bathroom and the sac falling onto the floor. I saw it, and I had to pick it up and put it in the toilet. I still remember everything.
I still have my ultrasound pictures and the original pregnancy tests. The baby would have been 2 on April 5th.
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anonymous
“I still remember everything.”
age 16
Twelve
I found out I was pregnant in December 2021 at 21. I’d been with my boyfriend for 3 years, but we were young, living at home, and not in a stable place. We weren’t trying. I’d just come off the pill, and I thought we were careful.
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At first, I didn’t realise. I felt unwell around Christmas, and when my mum asked if I could be pregnant, I said no. But deep down, I think I already knew. I asked my sister to get a test, and on December 27th, the lines came up instantly. I froze. But underneath the shock, I felt a split second of excitement. All I’d ever wanted was to be a mum.
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Telling my family was emotional. They supported me, but my boyfriend didn’t want the baby. That hurt more than I can say. I resented him deeply, feeling like I had to go against my own heart just to keep our relationship.
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Because of COVID, I had to organise everything over the phone. I cried to the woman at the clinic as she asked, “Are you sure this is your decision?” I said yes, but inside I was screaming. I wanted her to hear it in my voice and tell me to stop. But she didn’t.
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A few days later, a man in a white van delivered the pills to my house. I still think about that now — how something so heavy, so life-changing, just arrived like a package. No support, no guidance, just me and this decision I wasn’t ready to make.
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Taking the pills was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. About half an hour later, the pain hit. I went to the toilet, thinking it might help, and when I relaxed, it felt like everything inside me collapsed out. I couldn’t look. I lay on the sofa for hours in agony — numb, angry, and ashamed.
I blamed my boyfriend. I blamed myself. I wanted him to say, “We’ll figure it out, whatever you choose,” but he didn’t.
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For months after, I was in a dark place, crying every day. I would take pregnancy tests before every period, hoping and praying for a second chance, knowing no one could ever make me go through it again.
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Now, 5 years later, I’m still with my boyfriend. We’ve grown together, and we’re even thinking about trying for a baby. I still carry it with me, and I do sometimes question my decision, but I don’t regret the life we’ve built since.
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I’m proud of myself for surviving and building a life I love.
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anonymous
“I said yes, but inside I was screaming.”
age 21
Thirteen
I was in a domestic violence situation. He assaulted me and stepped on my head while I was pregnant with our child.
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You know when they say mothers get immense strength when their child is involved? Yeah — I managed to raise his foot off my neck and fight for my life. My cat watched the whole thing, and I feel like she was somehow a guardian angel in it all.
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He’s in prison now, up for parole. I chose not to pursue the pregnancy because how can you? Seven charges of assault? I have two kids already, and they need me. It was either have the baby and live in fear of him, or protect what I can.
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Adoption was not an option in this case. Truly a “you can’t win” situation.
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I pray no one ever has to make that choice.
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anonymous
“My kids needed me.”
age undisclosed
Fourteen
I was seeing this guy for a couple of months who I really liked, and I thought things were going well. One night, we were having sex and I saw him put the condom on. When we finished, I noticed it had been taken off at some point and that he had finished in me without my permission.
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After this happened, I tried having a talk with him about how that was wrong and that he couldn’t do things like that, but he just didn’t understand why it was wrong and completely freaked out on me. I ended up ending things after that happened.
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About two and a half weeks later, I realized my period was late, and that’s when I started to freak out. I took three pregnancy tests and all of them came out positive. I was in shock for a solid hour.
Later that day, I was hanging out with two of my close friends and told them, and they were super supportive. The next day, I told my mom and my sister, and they told me they would support whatever choice I made. My mum explained that she had gone through an abortion when she was my age and that she would be there every step of the way if that’s what I decided, but that she would also support me if I wanted to keep the baby.
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I ended up telling a couple of my coworkers as well since they are like a second family to me, and I also needed to get some shifts covered since I was going to a women’s clinic to discuss options. I thought that if I decided to go down the abortion route, it would be good to have some days off to rest.
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So although the father of the baby wasn’t in the picture, I had the love and support of my family, friends, and even coworkers, and it made this scary experience so much less scary.
I ultimately decided to go down the abortion route. I found out at the clinic during the ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy that it was a twin pregnancy, and that made me so emotional and really question what I was doing. But I still live with my parents, I’m not financially stable, and I’m going through a really tough time mentally. I knew it just wasn’t the right time to bring babies into this world.
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I took the first pill two days ago, and I took the second pill yesterday. This was truly the most painful and emotional experience I’ve ever gone through. I kept questioning whether or not this was the right thing to do. I felt guilty, and I couldn’t help but cry.
Although the abortion is now done, my story isn’t over. I want to spread awareness to other women and let them know that it is okay to go through with this. You know yourself better than anyone, and if you’re not ready for this, you don’t need to feel guilty.
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But I also want to explain that it’s okay to feel guilty too. It’s a part of so many people’s experiences. It’s also okay not to feel guilty. Some people know right off the bat that this is the right thing for them, that their time will come later, or maybe they just don’t want kids at all.
Either way, no one is alone through this.
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anonymous
“I found out at the clinic that it was a twin pregnancy.”
age undisclosed
Sixteen
I had an abortion last year at 39. I never expected to ever have to go through it. I have three children whose lives would have been turned upside down with another baby. We have a three-bedroom house, and our car wouldn’t have been big enough. My youngest son competes in an elite sport six times a week, 60 miles away, so that would have had to stop.
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I am in a happy marriage with a happy family, but a baby wouldn’t have been right. I still grieve over what would have been and feel immense guilt for choosing my three children over my fourth.
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anonymous
“I never expected to ever have to go through it.”
age 39
Seventeen
I’m finally opening up publicly about it this year. I dated a guy from Tinder for about two years the worst two years of my life. I was 18 to 19 years old and dealing with the news that I was on the infertile side. I was with him because he was trying to help me “through the depression,” and he was drunk one night. One thing led to another, and I was forced to become pregnant.
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Then he decided he wasn’t “ready” and didn’t want a kid. He manipulated me to the point where I felt I had no choice but to have an abortion. He made me think and believe that everyone would leave me if I was a single mama.
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It breaks my heart to this day. I can gladly say he is no longer in my life, and I am so much happier. If anyone needs someone to talk to, I’m here. You’re not alone.
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8-31-24 My baby girl, who is watching over me from heaven. My guardian and the reason I keep going, because I know one day I’ll be a mama like I always dreamed I would be.
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anonymous
“He manipulated me to the point where I had no choice.”
age 18
Eighteen
I had one in January. I already have a little girl, and my new baby would have been due in September, when she's ready to start school. Her dad has just had two new babies with his girlfriend, and it was too much change for her.
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I already struggle being a mum, and I’m in therapy to get myself into a better place. I did it for my little girl. She deserves nothing less than a fully present mum who is the best version of herself.
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I don’t regret it. It was an easy decision. My beautiful daughter is more than enough for me at the moment.
I’m open about it. People know I had one, and they all apologize to me for it. I’m not bothered about what other people think. It’s my life, and I’m the one living it.
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anonymous
“I did it for my little girl.”
age undisclosed
Nineteen
I had an abortion two months ago, on October 20th, 2025. The baby’s father said he could not afford another baby. He already has a son that he is not fully present for. I had been seeing him on and off for three years. A month after cutting him off, I found out I was pregnant.
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I told my mom. She basically shamed me and implied that I was a whore, something she often called me growing up. I told her I wanted to keep the baby, and she made it about her and how she expected a lot from me. She said she would not allow me to destroy my life for a baby. I am a student and still dependent on her. When I kept insisting that I wanted to keep the baby, she said she and my older siblings would rather abandon me. She said she had to live her own life and not raise babies. It was a traumatic process.
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I went through the procedure alone. She got me the pills and paid for them, but she never checked on me afterward. I had to call her and ask why. She said that because I was giving her attitude, she decided to stay away. I had to explain that this process was hard for me and that she could not just stay away because she had an attitude. Ten days later, I had exams. Three weeks later, after returning from campus, my mother and siblings decided to have a meeting. No one asked how I was. They told me they wanted the best for me and that I was dumb for even considering keeping the baby, especially since the father didn’t want it and did not support me through the process.
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I was numb throughout. I was called names, spoken about in the third person as if I wasn’t there, and then shouted at when I refused to hug them. My mother is ashamed of the abortion. She kept telling me about the sleepless nights she had and the guilt she felt. I’m not okay. I cry every other day. I still hold my tummy. I still count how many weeks or months my baby would have been. I performed my own little ritual to say farewell and ask for forgiveness.
​
It opened my eyes because I think my mother enjoys the fact that I am still dependent on her because it allows her to control my life. I’ve been crying to God and my ancestors—my father, grandfather, and grandmother. I thought I had a solid relationship with my mom because I would sweep the bad stuff under the rug and excuse it because of her childhood. But after witnessing her cruelty, I do not trust her or my siblings. Part of me is even relieved that I didn’t bring my child into this world because they would have made it so much harder for me.
I just need to get my degree, get a job, and leave these people behind. All I’ve done my entire life is try to bring healing into this family, but I’m tired of picking up their pieces and understanding their pain when no one can even show up for me. Especially a family that is always saying, “But that’s your family.”
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I am angry, hurt, and ashamed. I am still processing everything. I deserve so much better. This abortion has brought so much clarity and truth about my life. As much as it hurts, a part of me feels that it was necessary. I’m sorry for this long message. I hope it makes sense. I’m writing this after another hour-long breakdown.
​
anonymous
“This abortion has brought so much clarity and truth about my life.”
age undisclosed
Twenty
I had just turned 17 when I realized my period hadn’t come for a while. I started panicking, so I took a test and it was positive. Then I took two more, and they were the same. I realized that I was done for.
​
I spoke with my ex. He was the father, but we had started talking again. I told him I wanted the baby, that I couldn’t do an abortion. He said no, that we weren’t ready and stuff. I told him that he might not be ready, and that was fine. When he was ready, then he could be a father, but otherwise I wanted to be a single mom because I wanted that baby.
​
He kept arguing with me, so I had the abortion. I told my sisters first, then my parents. They asked if I wanted to keep it, and I had to say no, which hurt so much already. I went to the clinic and got the pills.
​
Going through it was painful physically and emotionally. He didn’t care at all, which hurt me even more. The way he treated me during that time was the worst, and I regret my decision every day now. When I spoke to him about it after a while, he said he wasn’t acting like that, which left me shocked.
Ever since then, I’ve been scared to have children.
​
anonymous
“I wanted to be a single mom because I wanted that baby.”
age 17
Twenty-one
I forgot to take two of my contraceptive pills in a row, and I was sleeping with the guy I'm sort of dating. We've been seeing each other for about six months. He's a bit of a commitment-phobe and panics even if there's the slightest hint of commitment. He worries relationships will implode and he'll get hurt. At the start of whatever this relationship is, he told me he never wanted children, so I guess that's influenced my choice.
​
When I found out I was pregnant, I was so shocked. I felt the sadness rush over me because I knew what I had to do, but part of me doesn't want it. Even though I'm not in the right place for a baby, with my two older children and the complicated situation with my sort-of partner, it still hurts.
​
I've been too scared to tell him because I fear he'll panic and run away. Not in a cruel way, but in an "I don't know how to cope with this" way. I think he'll blame himself for hurting me and for seeing me go through this trauma.
​
I contacted the abortion clinic and attended the scan by myself. It was traumatic. It hadn't really sunk in until then that it was real. As soon as she started the internal scan, my whole body shook uncontrollably. I've never felt anything like it. I cried so much. Afterwards, it all felt like a nightmare, like it wasn't real. I can only think it was my brain dissociating to protect me from being overwhelmed.
​
Since then, I've just felt sad and empty. The guilt is eating me up.
I've decided to have a surgical abortion with sedatives, and I'm dreading it. I've only told one person, my friend. I feel so alone.
​
I wanted to tell my story because I want other women to know they aren't alone, and that there are so many women who understand these choices.
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I'm not sure if you want to wait until after I've had the procedure so I can update the rest once it's all over.
But I can already say this has been the hardest decision I've ever made, and I never want to make it again.
I'm so sorry you've been through this too. It's such a horrible time.
I'm so scared I'll regret it.
​
anonymous
"I want other women to know they aren't alone."
age undisclosed
Twenty-two
I had an abortion a year ago, and it has definitely altered my entire brain chemistry.
Before, I was so vehemently pro-choice. I genuinely didn't see an issue with early abortion, before brain activity or a heartbeat. I had always said that if I accidentally got pregnant, I would feel nothing about having an abortion because it's healthcare. Honestly, I didn't have strong feelings or a real connection to babies, and I really didn't have a maternal bone in my body. I was, and still am, much more of an animal lover.
​
But from the second I saw the two red lines on my positive test, everything changed.
I felt a connection. An attachment.
​
It showed I was only 2–3 weeks pregnant, and while that was so early and would have fit my own "criteria" of an "okay" abortion, I was beyond heartbroken and devastated. I had so much support, and I wish I had listened to the people around me who told me it wouldn't be the end of the world if I had a baby.
​
My reasoning was that it would be unfair to bring a baby into an unstable environment. I don't have much money, I'm still studying, and I live with my parents. My brother struggles with alcoholism, and my parents don't speak to each other. It felt like a baby would have been entering a dysfunctional family from the very beginning.
​
The irony is that I thought that would have been unfair, but now I feel like it's even more unfair that they never got the chance to live or experience life at all.​ In all honesty, this experience has completely shifted my perspective. I now believe abortion is something incredibly heavy. It's not an easy way out or an easy decision.
​
It has stayed with me every single day. I feel stained, and sometimes I feel like I can never return to a life that's worth enjoying. I feel like I don't deserve to enjoy life, because somehow that would be selfish.
​
anonymous
"I felt a connection from the moment I found out I was pregnant."
age undisclosed
Twenty-three
I've never really talked about my abortion with anyone.
I wasn't really able to talk to my boyfriend (now my ex) about it. It felt like I had to comfort him more than he comforted me. I didn't feel like I received any support.
​
We found out I was pregnant in late 2023. When I told him the test was positive, he sounded so happy. But then he told me he didn't think we were financially ready for a baby. We talked about it for a while, but we still continued to cherish our baby. I really believed we couldn't have our baby because of money and expenses.
​
One day, while he was at work, we were on the phone. I started talking about baby names and baby things, but he yelled at me and told me to stop. Then he hung up. I apologized because I never meant to pressure him. About a month passed, and he continued telling me that having an abortion was for the best.
​
A couple of days after I took the pill, he told me he regretted what we had done. But then he admitted that we hadn't ended the pregnancy because of financial reasons like he had told me. He said it was because he didn't want me to be the mother of his child because he hated me. He would tell me he hated me while also saying he loved me. That was true both before and after my abortion.
​
About two weeks later, I had a strange feeling that I should message a girl I kept seeing on Facebook. I asked if she and my boyfriend had been talking. She was confused about why I was messaging her because he had told her I was his "crazy ex" who refused to move out. She then told me they had been talking for about a month. I later found out they had started talking only a few days after we found out I was pregnant.
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She was a few years younger than us and already had a baby of her own. When I asked him, "Why her?" he gave me an answer I can't fully remember, but it had something to do with the fact that she already had a baby. That completely broke me because we could have had our own baby. I immediately told her everything. She stopped talking to him as soon as she found out. He later claimed she already knew about everything, but to this day, I don't know what to believe. After she answered my questions, I left her alone.
​
I'll never forget the memories, the heartbreak, or the way I felt at the end of that year. I wish I had been stronger back then. But that's my story.
​
anonymous
"It felt like I had to comfort him more than he comforted me."
age undisclosed
Twenty-four
I had my abortion two years ago, and it has changed me as a person.​ I found out I was pregnant three days after moving into my new house with my boyfriend. I cannot express the sheer terror I felt in that moment. I’ve always wanted children, I’ve always longed to be a mother, but when I saw the positive test I completely froze. I don’t know why, but the stress of pouring every bit of money into that house and being left with nothing, combined with being pregnant, felt terrifying.
​
I didn’t want the abortion, but my partner wasn’t keen to keep the baby due to financial constraints (that’s what he said at the time). He promised me that in a year we could try for a baby once we were more financially settled. So I went through with it, even though I didn’t really want to. I will never forget the pain. I was sick for six hours straight and was writhing around the bed screaming. I felt like a demon had come out of me.
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I have grieved ever since and feel so much self-hatred. The “what ifs” are constant. I feel jealousy towards pregnant women, I struggled to go out, and overall I’ve felt like a sadder version of myself every day since.
​
Fast forward two years. I told my partner I wanted to try for a baby, and he decided to tell me that he never wanted children and never will, even after promising me a baby two years prior while watching my mental health spiral. I became a difficult person to live with because my whole mind was focused on getting pregnant again. So now I’ve left my relationship of six years, two weeks ago. I moved out of my home with my cats and I’m trying to start again.
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I know this may not be the easiest story to hear, but it is the truth. I wish someone had warned me how much I might regret my decision in the long run. I felt connected to that baby from day one, and I only got to carry them for seven short weeks. I think I will always grieve them and wonder “what if” for the rest of my life.
​
I think it’s important that other girls get to hear this side of the story as well as the “I never think about my abortion” stories, so they can make a decision that feels right for them and hopefully find peace with it.
​
anonymous
"I felt like a demon had come out of me."
age undisclosed
Twenty-five
I’m 18. I found out two weeks ago that I’m pregnant, and I’m having an abortion tomorrow. It has been the hardest decision of my life.
​
For as long as I can remember, I have longed to have a child and give them the childhood and parenting I felt I deserved. However, I know that I’m not ready to give them what they need right now, so I have to let go.
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I have grown so attached to the thought of a life growing inside of me, and I’m terrified of losing the one thing I’m supposed to protect. I know it’s not the right time, but I will always, always question the “what ifs.”
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This should have been an exciting time, but instead it has caused me the most pain I’ve ever felt, and I don’t quite know how to live with myself after it.
​
anonymous